Great Expectations

I started the school year off and running, squeezing assignments into every nook and cranny of our schedule. I took on a leadership role in a home school group, continued being a den leader for Cub Scouts and joined 4-H. I organized field trips, went on a Becoming an Outdoor Woman weekend with my best friend, went scout camping, planted a fall garden and spent hours in the gym trying to lose that last 5lbs to reach my goal (to lose 50lbs). Here is it mid-October and I am thoroughly exhausted!

It seems that every year I get the “fall bug” and start having delusions of grandeur and great expectations of how I want my life to be. However, I take on way too many responsibilities and nothing seems to turn out the way I envisioned or I am disappointed by other people or circumstances and end up with my heart broken. What is it that drives me to want to do so much this time of year? Is it that I have been cooped up inside through the hot summer and now my soul longs to be outdoors connecting with nature again? I get the same enthusiastic feeling in the spring. I must have some sore of super-resilience to be able to keep trying every year. Or I am just insane. Einstein did say that doing the same thing repetitively and expecting different results was the definition of insanity.

The field trips I had planned turned out to be a lot more work than I envisioned. My garden (once destroyed by my animals) has now become a haven for weeds because I used cotton seed meal as fertilizer. Lesson learned there. I still haven’t been able to clip the goats hooves and poor Chocolate got a chicken water bucket stuck on her head while we were away at scout camp. Thank goodness DH came home every day to feed them and was able to rescue her! Scouts has become a huge burden since the bulk of planning meetings has fallen on me. My boys are doing well in school except DS1 hates math and is struggling and DS2 just wants to play video games all day and has a meltdown when it is time to get off the computer. Our day is pretty filled from 8am-4pm with school then I run off to the gym for a couple hours to come home to clean the house, put the boys to bed and try to de-tune so I can sleep.

I have a cork board in my office which has collages of pictures to help me visualize my goals. The other day I wrote my priorities on some 3×5 cards and I found they each match my goals. It really helped me to step back and see what was truly important in my life and to be able to let go of the things that just don’t matter as much. For example, my number one goal is to take care of myself! I can’t do anything for anyone if I am not healthy. I need to make sure I am eating right and exercising to keep my stress level down and my energy up. Second, I need to take care of my home, family and critters. I need to cook, clean, pay bills…etc. Third is school for the boys and this includes field trips, scouting, and all other extra curricular activities. However, EXTRA curricular is just that! Only after our core schoolwork is complete do we explore EXTRAS. Fourth is family hobbies, travel and adventure. We need to have FUN as a family too! This is important but happens after all of our NEEDS have been met.


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